I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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