They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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