Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
