I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
