so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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