First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize