Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I smell stomach acid.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Less talking, more tequila
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
