Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
