dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
