1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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