Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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