Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
