Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
