I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
