i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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