we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
