i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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