dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
