Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
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