I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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