The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
