We're facebook friends in real life
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
