I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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