you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
