that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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