I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
