Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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