just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
