People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't deserve a penis
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
