Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
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