she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
