I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
