tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
