we have officially lost it.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
