I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's never too late to be topless.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
