I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
