roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
