dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
