we have pet lesbian snakes
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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