Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We were destined to go to rehab together
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
