i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
