So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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