I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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