Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
