careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You need a sexual gate keeper
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
