She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
