Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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