My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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