ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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