i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Houston, we have a blender
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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