we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
