Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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